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چرا از زندگی لذت نمی بریم؟
1393/01/01 - 21:29
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دکتر محمدرضا سرگلزایی

زندگی، آمیزه‌ای از تضادهاست. همزمان در آن هم وقایع خوشایند و لذت بخش و هم وقایع دردناک و رنج‌آور وجود دارند. مثل این که پای تلویزیون نشسته باشید و بتوانید به دهها شبکه تلویزیونی و ماهواره‌ای مختلف دسترسی پیدا کنید. امواج رادیویی، تلویزیون و شبکه‌های ماهواره‌ای، شما را انتخاب نمی‌کنند.
آنها «حضور دارند»، بدون تبعیض و بدون انتخاب. این شما هستید که تصمیم می‌گیرید که تصاویر کدام شبکه بر صفحه تلویزیون خانه شما ظاهر شود.
حال، سؤال این است که اگر در هر لحظه می‌توانیم «برنامه‌ای شاد و لذّت بخش» را بر صفحه تلویزیون زندگی‌مان داشته باشیم. پس چرا گاهی از زندگی لذّت نمی‌بریم و برنامه‌های لذت‌بخش را که به آنها دسترسی داریم از دست می‌دهیم؟ پاسخ این سؤال یک کلمه است: «طرحواره‌ها!»
«طرحواره‌ها» قراردادهای ذهنی ما هستند که ما «ناخودآگاه» به آنها مقیّد و متعّهد شده‌ایم و پای آنها را امضا کرده‌ایم. این قراردادها « حق انتخاب طبیعی ما » را از ما می‌گیرند. چند نمونه از قراردادهایی که مانع از لذت بردن ما از زندگی می شوند را ذکر می‌کنم:
طرحواره 1- لذّت بردن از زندگی گناه است
در بعضی خانواده‌ها یا جامعه‌ها، لذّت بردن را مترادف با گناه می‌دانند. خندیدن، شاد بودن، نشاط و لذّت را نشانه سبکسری، غفلت و زندگی پوچ می‌دانند. به خاطر می‌آورم فردی بسیار جدی را که هرگاه دیگران را در حال خندیدن می‌دید می‌گفت:
«آخر هر خنده، گریه‌ای است.» او با چنین «طرحواره‌ای» که در ذهن خود داشت نه تنها خود از زندگی لذّت نمی‌برد که مانع لذّت بردن اطرافیانش نیز می‌شد.
در فیلم سینمایی «ریش قرمز»، به کارگردانی «آکیروکوروساوا» دختر جوانی که زندگی شاد و رضایت بخشی داشت بدلیل پذیرش چنین طرحواره غلطی، انتظار عذاب الهی را می‌کشید. او اعتماد داشت شایستگی چنین لذّت و سعادتی را ندارد و تاوان سختی در انتظار اوست. وقتی زلزله آمد این زن جوان باور کرد که زلزله، تاوان زندگی شاد است و با این که زلزله به او و همسرش آسیب نزده بود او به این نتیجه رسید که زلزله نشانه، این است که دوران شادی به سر آمده است! بنابراین پی‌در‌پی دست به انتخاب‌هایی زد که حاصلش رنج و سختی بود! او می‌خواست تاوان گناه شادمانی را بپردازد!
طرحواره 2- رنج کشیدن، یک فضیلت است!
در بسیاری از داستان‌ها و فیلم‌های سینمایی، قهرمان قصّه پی‌درپی رنج می‌کشد و در نهایت نیز در اوج ناکامی، قربانی روزگار جفاکار می‌شود! افراد زیادی این طرحواره را پذیرفته‌اند که قهرمانان و افراد برجسته باید رنج بکشند و دچار تنهایی و ناکامی باشند. برای چنین افرادی، رنج بردن یک فضیلت است! گاهی افرادی به مطب من مراجعه می‌کنند که سالهاست در حال بازی کردنِ «نقش افسرده» هستند! جوانی را به خاطر می‌آورم که لباسِ سرتاپا سیاه می‌پوشد و موها و ریش خود را به طرز عجیبی آرایش می‌کرد. جملاتی «شبه فلسفی» و «شبهِ روشنفکرانه» راجع به «پوچی زندگی» حفظ کرده بود و با این ادعا که افسرده است و از زندگی سیر شده به سراغ روانپزشکان و روانشناسانِ زیادی رفته بود. تشخیصِ من این بود که این جناب دچارِ «پرستیژِ افسردگی» است!
در روانشناسی برای این افراد، اصطلاح « اریستوکراسیِ رنج» را به کار برده اند و «اریستوکراسی» به معنای «اشرافیّت» است. هم بازی این گروهِ «شبهِ افسرده» کسانی هستند که فریبِ نقش آنها را می‌خورند و سخت تلاش می‌کنند که « نجات دهنده» آنها باشند غافل از آنی که هرچه بیشتر برای نجاتِ آنها تلاش کنند آنها بیشتر نقش خود را باور می‌کنند! از کنار این « اشراف» باید با پوزخندی عبور کرد!
طرحواره 3- لذت بردن نیاز به شرایط ویژه‌ای دارد!
افراد زیادی برای خودشان پیش‌شرط‌هایی قرار داده‌اند که تنها با برآورده شدن آن پیش‌شرط‌ها آنها می‌توانند از زندگی لذّت ببرند! داشتن یک آپارتمان مجلّل، اتومبیلی گران‌قیمت، ویلایی در ساحل دریا و امکان سفرهای رؤیایی برخی از این پیش‌ شرط‌ها هستند! در هر شرایط اقتصادی و اجتماعی، هرجا که باشیم و هرکس که باشیم، جهان زمینه‌هایی برای لذّت بردن را برای ما فراهم کرده است امّا اغلب در حال فکر کردن به لذّت بردن از شرایطی هستیم که در دسترس ما نیستند. چند سال پیش مرد جوانی مراجع مطب من بود که از شرایط مالی‌اش ناراضی بود،مثلاً می‌گفت چند روز پیش که باران می‌بارید من و نامزدم مجبور بودیم زیر باران راه برویم و هر دو در حال غبطه خوردن به کسانی بودیم که با خیال راحت سوار بر ماشین‌های شخصی‌شان درگذر بودند. مرد جوان نمی‌دانست چقدر از آن ماشین‌‌ سواران در حسرتِ فضای عشقی بودند که بین آن دو نامزد جوان موج می‌زد و حاضر بودند کسی را داشته باشند که دست در دستِ او زیر باران قدم بزنند. این یکی در حسرت ِ آن یکی، آن یکی در حسرتِ این یکی!
تا چنین طرحواره‌هایی بر ذهن ما حاکم باشند از زندگی لذّت نخواهیم برد. جلوی صفحه تلویزیون زندگی نشسته‌ایم. می‌توانیم برنامه‌های سرشار از زیبایی را برگزینیم و می‌توانیم برنامه‌هایی آکنده را رنج تماشا کنیم.
کنترل تلویزیون در دستِ ماست. هیچکس کانال را عوض نخواهد کرد، هرگز! گفته‌اند: «انتخاب،حقِ شماست» امّا من می‌گویم: « انتخاب، وظیفه شماست!»

دکتر محمدرضا سرگلزایی-روانپزشک
 
    
        
        



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